Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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