I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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