I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
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Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
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I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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