my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
