Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
