yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
