im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
