So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
