trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
