walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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