Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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