don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have fence marks all over my body
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
