i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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