CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
