Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
