it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
