C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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