At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
