Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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