the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
