How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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