So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize