walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
