and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
