these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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