whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
