well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
