At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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