What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
