all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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