Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
