i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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