if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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