you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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