She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
