Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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