She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
