I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
