The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
