i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
