Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm passing your future prison.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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