Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
and you fell through a lawn chair
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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