is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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