Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
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She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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