Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
