captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
