I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My bed smells like the plague
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
