how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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