fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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