i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
