Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
