shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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