Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
