Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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