that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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