im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
