I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
