Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
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My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
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I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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