??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
