I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
