Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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