Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
