youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
