i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
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