made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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