I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
