The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
