I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
