My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
