If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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