Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
that is very illegal...i love you.
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