i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
