I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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