Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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