i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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