so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
