Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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