i just made my gag reflex go away.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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