I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
