Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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