A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize