why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
