Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
